Not only do you have to convince other people that you can and should lead, but sometimes you have to convince yourself. That's not always easy for women, given that leadership has long been defined by how men act. Finding a style that's authentic and resonates with others requires reflection and patience. We talk to two leadership coaches about what distinguishes a leader, how to know if you're ready to be one, and how to best make the transition. Then our hosts discuss their own leadership journeys, and the Amys share tips with Nicole that they've learned along the way. Amy Jen Su and Muriel Maignan Wilkins are the founders of the executive coaching and leadership development firm Paravis Partners. They co-wrote the book Own the Room, and Amy is the author of The Leader You Want to Be. Sign up to get the Women at Work monthly newsletter. Our theme music is Matt Hill's "City In Motion," provided by Audio Network. AMY BERNSTEIN: I remember the first time I was really challenged to stop being, you know, a follower and be a leader. A colleague saw me in a context where I was supposed to be leading, and I evidently wasn't because she came up to me afterwards and she said, what are you waiting for? Who are you waiting to say, and now Amy is the leader? AMY BERNSTEIN: And you were, you were given every opportunity, and you just blew it. AMY BERNSTEIN: And she was so right. I mean, I felt like crap when she said it. But you know, that prompted a lot of soul-searching. AMY GALLO: And what did you do differently? AMY BERNSTEIN: I looked for opportunities to steer and to offer guidance. And instead of asking a question, I would offer my view, here's what I would recommend. It was really sort of a -- I had to switch the channel from being, you know, I guess I viewed myself as just one of many people on the team to taking ownership and recognizing that if this thing we were working on failed, I would be the one to blame. And it was really like that self-generated thing, where you realize that it's up to you to make it work. Making the transition from being one of many on a team, an individual contributor, a follower -- however you'd like to think of that role -- to being a leader is a process. It's a process of not just convincing other people to see us as leaders, but also of convincing ourselves that we can and should lead.